Go to Playground
June 11, 2006
Go to a playground that’s not in use and play! Take along a picnic
lunch, baseball, bat, Frisbee or outdoor toys (blowing bubbles is fun)… Have a
great lunch after playtime.
First Date
June 9, 2006
Humor On First Date
June 9, 2006
When searching for a partner, some of us like tall people. Some like ‘em short. Some find that slender is attractive, some don’t. Some adore redheads, and some love black hair. For some it’s blondes or brunettes. Some have a fixation for super-sized body parts. Many don’t. Tastes vary widely. But not so in preferences for a sense of humor. You’ll look for a long time to find someone searching for a partner with a poor sense of humor or none at all. A great sense of humor is an almost universally sought-after trait for both men and women…within American culture.
And a sense of humor is clearly an asset on a first date. Although women generally place a sense of humor higher on their wish list of desirable traits, men still place a high value on humor when searching for a partner. If you lack a good sense of humor, you’re playing with a handicap.
There is no automatic or magical formula for impressing a date with your sense of humor. Most things in life don’t come automatically or easily. If you wanted impress your date with flat abs, and wished you had a six-pack instead of a keg, you’d never expect to find a tip to tone up your midsection overnight. So it is with a sense of humor. What you got is what you got. Your sense of humor is not going to changed overnight. But you can work to improve it.
As in toning up the body, a good sense of humor is developed with exercise. In past posts I’ve recommended stimulating your humor muscles by entering humor-writing contests and cartoon-caption contests. Many react with, “Hey…I don’t want to be a humor writer!” But, if you were serious about flat abs, you’d probably not think twice about spending time at the gym, working out with weights…never thinking, “Hey…I don’t want to be a body builder!” You’d understand that working out is the path to a slimmer waistline. And so it is with a sense of humor. Just as your belt size is reduced a quarter inch at a time, your sense of humor slowly, but surely becomes more sharply tuned. And the journey is more fun then pumping iron.
Getting The Date
For starters, your sense of humor can actually help you get the date. You’re more likely to have friends set you up with someone if you have the reputation as someone with a great sense of humor.
If you don’t have the luxury of a personal introduction, your sharp sense of humor is the perfect tool to spice up a personals ad. That’s how I found my partner. I discovered that a longer ad with lots of humor worked like a charm in attracting a potential partner. A friend took it a step further, going beyond the personals ad. He registered with EHarmony.com and referred those who wanted more information to a web site where he introduced himself in great detail (seven pages). It didn’t take him long to meet Ms Right. Such long-form advertising allows you to use lots of humor and helps you to disqualify those who would not be a fit for you. Or if you were looking for a mate through a video dating service, you could open your video sitting with your back to the camera: “You’ll love dating someone in the witness protection program!” Look for some fun ways to add color to your listings. If someone doesn’t like your sense of humor, they’re probably not right for you. And it’s nice to know that up front.
Who Are You?
You need to know who you are and to be honest with yourself. How is your sense of humor? Is it positive? Is it sarcastic? Does it need some work? Do you like to laugh? What makes you laugh? How is your smile? What kind of humor is used within your family? Are your friends funny? These questions may suggest areas where you could use some work.
If you don’t have a great sense of humor, you can just fake it, right? Yes. And it will work perfectly…up to the divorce!
I come from a laid-back North Dakota Norwegian background. My brother and I can’t remember our dad telling a joke as we grew up. But he DID have a good sense of humor. He is what I would call a carrier of humor. He was always ready to laugh at someone else’s jokes. Not the life-of-the-party, but easy going and fun. Everybody liked my dad. But when it came to creating my own humor, I wasn’t born with the talent. I had to start at square one. Step by step I learned the building blocks of what makes humor tick. It is a skill that can be learned. Where you come from is a given. Where you end up is the result of the journey you create by doing certain things. Learn to use observational and spontaneous humor. Learn to develop your own original humor. There are many ways to take your humor to the next level.
The reality is most of us have a sense of humor which is pretty good, in the right circumstances, with the right people. And yet, most of us have room for growth in the area of humor. A sense of humor grows as you use it.
Your good sense of humor helps relax you when meeting someone you’ve never met. I remember the first time I met someone face-to-face as a result of an internet date. We had not exchanged photos. And I drove 250 miles for the date. My best friend said, “your date will have buck teeth and coke-bottle glasses.” That light-hearted send off from my friend kept a smile on my face. By the way, my date was really cute.
Who Is Your Date?
It’s nice to know something about your date before you meet. Do your friends know your date? Have you exchanged emails? It’s amazing how well you can get to know someone by Instant Message. My partner and I chatted by Instant Message for 20 hours, over two weeks, before we talked on the phone. We knew each other well before even hearing the sound of a voice.
Getting to know your date BEFORE the date helps you to know whether the two of you are a good humor match. It helps you decide what to do on the date and where you’ll go. When you feel you know each other, you’re more likely to be relaxed as you start the date and that opens the relationship to a more light-hearted conversation. Invest the time getting to know someone before you meet, if you’re serious about developing a quality relationship.
Where Are You?
Are you meeting your date with a group of people? A double-date? Or just the two of you? That may affect your style of humor. For example, I’m much better one-on-one when it comes to humor. In a group situation I tend to be more of a listener. If I want someone to see my sense of humor, I look for some time away from a group, allowing more personal interaction. Some people are just the opposite and are more lively and funny in a group. That’s where knowing yourself comes into play.
If you were on a blind date and you knew nothing about your date in advance, a double date might be a good option. If one of the people in the other couple was a good friend (a humor buddy would be ideal), that might put you in a comfort zone for using humor.
Where you choose to meet for the date is also important. If you were concerned with humor on the date and were going to a movie, The Pink Panther would be a better choice than United 93. That’s obvious. Not as obvious would be choosing between two funny movies. Everyone has different tastes. One person’s hilarious film is sometimes another’s totally lame movie. Talk about it and make a decision together. Some restaurants have fun interactive wait staff. Amusement parks are fun for some and stressful for others. Selecting were to go is an important decision.
On The Date
By focusing on the humor qualities of your date you’ll be looking beyond the physical attributes and seeing more of the real person. That’s a good thing!
Be a Listener. Good conversationalists are good listeners. Good humorists are good listeners. If you’re going to create fresh humor in the moment, it comes from good listening and being in the moment. One of the special skills of funny people is the art of reincorporation, making connections with something that happened earlier.
Poke Fun At Yourself. People love it if you don’t take yourself too seriously. Direct some of your humor at yourself. If you were uncomfortable that your car wasn’t the perfect first-date vehicle, get a bumper sticker: “My other car is a real car.”
Don’t try too hard to be funny. You don’t want to appear needy. For good humor, less is more. Relax. Let the humor flow naturally. A little bit of good humor goes further than a lot of forced humor.
Be a story teller. Look for embarrassing moments to share. Those awkward memories, along with other stories, are great vehicles to carry your style of humor.
Keep your humor positive. Negative humor, sarcastic humor, is a turnoff.
Always keep your humor in good taste. Off-color humor is a comedy cop out. Bodily function jokes and sex jokes are too easy. Leave that style of humor to the immature. If you’re looking to attract a quality partner, use quality humor.
Good luck. Good humor. Enjoy the date!
First Date Tips
June 9, 2006
When it comes to your first date, you want everything to go smoothly and according to plan. Here are some top tips to make sure you both have a great time!
Tip 1: You could do the typical thing, and have a meal in a restaurant for your first date. However, if you do that, and later you find out that can’t stand your date, you will have to wait until the end of the meal before you can make a graceful departure, and that may be a couple of hours away! Besides which, it can be expensive, and remember that you have to tip! Instead, consider choosing a coffee date at a Starbucks or similar coffee cafe. It won’t last long, and if you find you don’t get on with your date, it won’t be long before you can find the door.
Tip 2: Why not do something more adventurous on a first date? A fun activity like ten-pin bowling or a visit to a theme park is far more likely to be enjoyed by both of you than a cup of coffee, and even if you don’t like each other, you should enjoy the activity! Do try to look for something that you’ll both enjoy, though. Ice skating may be fine if you’re both keen to do it, and have about the same level of skill; otherwise, give it a miss.
Tip 3: If you must do the typical dinner-date for your first date, at least try not to make it somewhere really expensive, where you’ll be frowned at by snooty waiters for any little slip that you make. It should be obvious that you should also not go for a meal at a cheap fast-food restaurant! Try to go for somewhere cosy and comfortable. You only need somewhere that’s priced at around the ?10/US$20 per head mark. You could even go to a pub; there are plenty of inns that have a very cosy, intimate atmosphere, and you can get some nice, cheap meals at these places for about half the price of a restaurant meal.
Tip 4: Your choice of clothing for your first date should be in-keeping with the activity you intend to do. Within the bounds of being appropriate, try to dress reasonably smartly, and be well-groomed and washed. Clothing is more important for men; affluent dress will certainly impress. For women, make-up is more important; men don’t know a great deal about clothes, especially ladies’ clothes, and as long as what you wear looks good superficially, that is all you need to worry about, except of course, don’t dress too provocatively unless you’re looking for action.
Tip 5: Don’t do something that you are not both comfortable doing! If you do something just to please him/her on your first date, you won’t enjoy it. This will come across in your body language, if nothing else. You’ll be very bored!
Tip 6: Do something that will involve the two of you talking, at least for some of the time. A visit to the cinema is no good at all; a theatre visit could work out, because there’s an intermission. For a first date, you want to get to know them! How are you going to do that, if you don’t do any talking?
I hope you enjoyed this list of first-date tips! Please add comments with any further tips that you would like to add, and click here for some more great dating tips!
answered by Alonzo Garbonzo
I suggest a simple straightforward approach. Walk up to him, smile, and say “Hi.” The smile is important. That should be enough. If the guy doesn’t seem thrilled, you could add “You look like you could use some company,” or a similar supportive statement.
A compliment might be a good opener. For example, a woman once told me I had great legs. That really impressed me.
I once had a woman stare at me with an inviting look. I turned to look behind me, wondering if she was actually looking at someone else. I hesitated, concerned that I might be somehow misinterpreting her stare. I finally approached her and the outcome was most pleasant.
Traditionally the burden falls on the man to initiate contact. It can make a guy feel like a door-to-door salesman, a job that many men are not cut out for. I believe men generally appreciate an approach from an assertive woman.
Be prepared for rejection. It’s bruising, but we all go through it. (Incidentally, I think clubs are terrible and recommend other venues for meeting people.)
Please bear in mind that the above statements are not meant to be universal, all-encompassing truths, only feedback from one observer.
The Dating Game
June 8, 2006
by Anita Bora
It’s time consuming. Sometimes complex. And there are no guarantees you will
emerge living ‘happily ever after’. We’re talking here about the process of
finding a date online.
For today’s single person, the ways of finding a date online has increased
significantly. From dating sites, chatrooms, instant messengers and email, the
chances of not bumping into someone suitable seem almost impossible. Or perhaps, not!
Online it’s a different ball game altogether. Many want to know if there are
any rules of the game or guidelines to make the process easier. Others are
unsure as to when to make the first move and how to handle intimacy over the
electronic communication like email and messenger.
Parikshit Kumar, a 21-year-old, says that each time he enters a chatroom and
tries to chat up a woman, he gets spurned. "They show interest for a while,
but I guess there are too many men out there trying to get the same woman,"
says the young but confused collegian.
To help matters, the authors of the recently published book, The
Rules for Online Dating, have devised this quiz to assess how well a
woman knows the rules for finding Mr. Right.
‘What is the best way of finding men online?‘ asks the quiz. The
correct answer: ‘Post a short ad, including a smiling headshot and wait for
men to email you‘. According to the authors, ‘It’s important to never
respond to a man’s ad because that equals chasing men. It’s the equivalent of
walking up to a man at a bar and introducing yourself, which doesn’t work. Why
not? Men love a challenge, and love works best when man pursues woman — online and off’.
Another piece of advise is to reply to an email only after 24 hours so that
he does not feel you are desperate and anxious. Then there are others who
disagree with this method to snare a man!
‘Be careful, be honest’ offers sex educator Suzi Landolphi in this feature on online dating. Her advise in a nutshell:
Protect your identity, learn the technology, guard your email and be honest and
beware of high expectations.
Here is a step-by-step guide on the online dating game.
Writing and responding to a personal ad
There are hundreds of ads out there vying for attention. Creating a free
member profile on a dating site would be the first step. Then, put some thought into writing your personal ad.
Vandana D, a freelance writer, who posted her profile says that initial
response to her ad was low. She realised her description was just not enough to
catch someone’s attention. It was only on changing her pitch and adding her
image that she began receiving email propositions. "Some are hesitant to
add a picture, but I once your looks are out of the way, it’s easier. At least,
you don’t have any pre-fixed notions about how someone will look like and draw
your own conclusions."
Vandana also turned lucky when she met one of her suitors. They hit it off
and have been going around for a year now. She does not believe there are any
rules as such, since "different things work for different people" but
says that some broad guidelines are helpful to those seeking love online.
Writing a profile:
- Make sure to jot down your thoughts before actually posting them online.
- Organise your words and check your spellings. You don’t want to be hasty
and careless if you’re looking to attract your potential soul mate! - Be relaxed when you write the profile. Try not to lie, but don’t reveal
anything that you don’t want to. - Try to be yourself. If you are not a person who drops witty online liners
in conversations, then don’t try it in the ad. - Be honest and straightforward about who you are and what you’re looking for.
- Be sincere. Your goal is to make someone sit up and take notice, not to
make them run in the opposite direction.
Reading a profile:
- Instead of focusing on the vital statistics of the person, pay attention
the tone of the profile. A person can look great on paper, but can leave a
lot to be desired in person. - What is the general feeling you get from the ad and how do you feel? Does
he/she sound modest, pompous, funny, witty, genuine, caring? - Does she/he sounds negative, concentrating only on aspects that he/she
does not possess? - Is the information that is provided enough for you to take the next step?
If it’s too sketchy, you might want to move on.
Interesting links: Safety tips | Three attributes you should include in a personal ad
Art of the email exchange
We all want to be like Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in You’ve Got Mail but this
article includes useful tips on keeping your perspective on online romance.
It informs that pick-up lines rarely work over email and conversational style
works best. Says Vandana, "It’s best when you write like you talk and don’t
put on affectations. Use emoticons once in a while to keep the exchange light
and friendly."
There’s more advise on how you can test the waters and move forward if your
relationship seems to be progressing to something more meaningful.
Rushing the other person might prove costly. When Parikshit thought he found
the ‘right person’ he began flooding her with 2-3 emails a day telling her how
wonderful she was. He confesses, in hindsight, that he was probably a little
desperate since he had been rejected a few times. "Take your time to
develop your friendship over email and messenger. Remember, you can’t hurry love," advises this young man.
Interesting links: Love at first site | Flirting via email | The flirting thing | How to succeed with women | Flirting Online
The all important meeting
You’ve selected the person you want to date, chatted with him/her,
exchanged emails and now it’s time for that all important first face-to-face
encounter.
Keeping expectations grounded is important, feels Parikshit: "On email
and chat you do not get a true picture and tend to blow up someone’s good points."
So much, that you start projecting your own expectations onto the person. This
will probably result in disappointment when you meet, warns Parikshit.
There are some simple guidelines that you should keep in mind. 28-year-old
Prakash Sinha, who has gone on two dates so far, speaks from experience: "Don’t
have too many expectations on your first date. It’s better to keep it in a
coffee shop or a restaurant, and not go in for any place too cozy as the
intimacy on the first date might scare off the girl!"
Vandana agrees that first meeting should be in a public place, for a coffee
or a casual meal. She also says one should keep an open mind and maybe even take someone along. "Just make sure that you convey to your date that you intend
to come with someone so that he is also prepared." Once this meeting is
over, it will pave the way for a second meeting, if the shared attraction is
mutual.
And how does one know there is shared attraction? Replies Vandana: "It’s
like chemistry, you’ll just know when it clicks!"
Dating Resources:
- Online dating thrives
- Dating in the 21st century
- Breaking all the rules
- Dating tips
- Cosmo’s guide to online dating
- Interview with Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors of ‘The Rules for Online Dating’
(Some names in the feature have been changed on request)
Approaching Women Tips
June 8, 2006
One of the best approaching women tips is ignoring the hot girl. When approaching a group of women, men do the mirror-opposite of what actually works. Here’s what most guys do: they see a hot girl in a group of women and approach her. They pay all of their attention to the hot girl and generally ignore all of her less attractive friends. BAD strategy.
Instead of approaching the hot girl and ignoring her friends, you need to approach all of her friends and ignore the hot girl. You need to be approaching the women as a group.
In other words, the most effective approaching women tips I can teach you is to open the entire group of friends and tell them a story or show them something (and no, not that something down there) that they’ll think is cool. You want all the girls of the group to like you while you ignore the hot girl.
The power of this approaching women tip is that it makes you look like a confident, cocky guy with a lot of status while it simultaneously lowers the status of the hot girl. And your chances with her will be MUCH higher. In fact, if you do it well, it will make the hot girl of the group chase YOU.
After all, building social value for oneself is only half of the equation. For while you want to BUILD your own social value, you can simultaneously work to LOWER hers. While your social value moves up, her social value can also move down. This is called an inverse relationship, in which when one variable increases, the other rises.
Essential Top Dating Tips
June 4, 2006
taken from this article by Ian McNeice
- Get prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, decide who you are looking for, do your research and be ready to commit to dating. Half heartedness won’t work. Also prepare for some let downs along the way but don’t take dating too seriously either.
- Get your act together. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself.
- Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and even a whole new look. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don’t go overboard and look like someone you are not but maybe its time to throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. People appreciate appearance.
- Have a good think about what your dating goals are and timescales. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don’t take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.
- Sort out your confidence levels in advance. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Do all the things that will boost your confidence from avoiding negative friends (often the married ones) to attending the right kind of social functions. Couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.
- Choose those you have a good chance of dating, don’t aim low but do aim realistically. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous then good for you, but be prepared and be realistic about your chances.
- Work out in advance where in your neighborhood you are likely to meet people and join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups, anything where you are likely to meet potential partners. The kind of partners you are looking for. I know its a cliché but you will not meet people by staying indoors.
- Take time off from dating occasionally if its not going well or causing dating fatigue. Dating is an ongoing process and so recharging the batteries and keeping the confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. So date in phases if necessary.
- Enjoy dating for what it is, dating. It is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not bring you a sparkle. The fact is, most people are interesting and whilst you may not be out there looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.
- Never ever make yourself too available. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. In keeping with this do not sleep with your dates early on if you want them to progress, so keep sex until later. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. Peak too early and you have little left to offer and emotions may never have had the time to develop.
- Do Join a quality Internet dating agency for free and do post a photo profile if possible. Take your time and check your mail occasionally. Even if you never date online at least it will boost your confidence and spirits and allow you to Practise your opening lines and chat up skills. Internet dating is fun and secure and introduces you to the world of dating safely and gently.
